there is an entire part of my apartment that i do not go to.
i ask my dogs for advice and all they do is kiss me.
i cried for 20 blocks after watching where the wild things are.
in the 'watching yourself in the mirror' crying sort of way.
tomorrow is sunday and i wish the weekend was more eventful.

my friend matthew told me that i lost my spark.
this is where my heart breaks.
because he doesnt know that ive never had a spark.
and whatever spark he thought i had doesnt exist anymore.
not like tucked away in a filing cabinet.
but in a "i cant remember and i never will" kind of way.

major breakthrough: not only am i non-confrontational in regards to others but i am also non-confrontational with myself. working on it. bonds out.

sucking ballz at 30dow but sort of ruling at life.

i have a word document about 20 pages long documenting all the jobs ive applied to in the past 5 months since i was laid off and ive only been on 4 real interviews. needless to say, i was afraid of slipping back to my old denton ways of feeling sorry for myself and crying when i woke up in the morning. its been especially daunting since bills are now starting to come in and being in austin costs a lot more than being in denton.

i went on an interview last week with a company called hill country springs, a local bottled water company. they are laid back/awesome and i was crossing my fingers for this one. the first interview went great and they called me back for a second a few hours later. fast forward to today... i show up and talk to a different guy for a little bit. we went over what we talked about in my first interview and i was able to sneak in some awesome adjectives that i didnt get to use the first time. they said they liked me and would call me on friday to let me know the verdict. my phone rang a couple hours later and they offered me the job!!!! so thats great for me. like huge. especially since my unemployment is running out soon. literally, it has legs.

my plan today was to join facebook. i came up with a secret name (harry potter influenced of course) i would register under and i was pumped. so i typed in my email and realized i had already made an account (which was deactivated) under that email. so i re-activated it, looked around a bit and about 5 minutes later it was deactivated again. hmmph. now that i have a job, i plan on buying that sweet t-mobile g1 phone. then maybe i can get into social networking.

speaking of social networking: fail. i got in touch with about everyone i needed to once we moved back. contrary to popular belief, they have continued living their lives while ive been gone. who knew? i felt extremely awkward in each social setting i forced myself into. i was angry at the people i was with for not engaging me more / fixing me. i figured out what the problem is though and unfortunately i cant really do anything about it. i have nothing to talk about since i did nothing in denton for about 2 years. i mean, i had my photobooth thing which apparently nobody even knew i was doing. (fail) so that doesnt really motivate me to be all social networky because even if i spam my fucking "art" online for people (aka my friends) to see, it goes unnoticed.

in other news, ive been working hard on my cd mix. its not due til october which really isnt that far away now that i think about it. im gonna work on some artwork for it and then i need to figure out how to get the music onto my computer. thats where sinclair comes in. :)

besos,
hb

ive always turned to writing as a way to figure out wtf is going on in my head. i think i missed the part of life where you learn to actually feel like a human sometimes and do things for yourself. after having a horrible two year stint in denton and coming back to this amazing town, you can imagine there is a lot of wtf going on. cody and i have always worked to make our relationship better and we agreed that just moving to austin wasn't going to magically make everything better. wrong! moving to austin made everything better. its like we came out of hibernation. i couldnt stop smiling! so yah life is different and im getting used to having friends, meeting new people and trying to be more comfortable with my own mannerisms / face.

i guess this month i want to try and transfer my writing 'skills' to real life conversation. id like to be able to be more articulate and quick. maybe i need to read a dictionary. my problem used to be editing my writing... i would just write too much for real people to read. so ive gotten better at getting down to the point.

anyway, i went on an interview today and it was great! thats all im going to say for now. also, is it healthy to listen to 'like a boss' all the time?

accio blog

ive been reading lots of harry potter. i like to refer to it as hairy pooter because i find joy in being crude. its also fun trying to find ways to use "accio!" in normal conversation. like "accio bra!" or "accio hey guess what i just moved to austin!"

i used to say that wine makes me a better me but 7 years later (wtf @time) i think that austin makes me a better me. i didnt tell anyone that we were moving back really. i just kind of felt weird calling people who i havent talked to in like a year and be like "hey i am going to be a part of your life now." plus i am not a telephone person so i am kind of setting myself up for some sort of dramatic surprise meeting.

snoop dogg is on who wants to be a millionaire so i need to stop blogging stat.

blarg

i dont know whats more unsettling, the fact that i constantly make the *shoot myself in the head/my brains splatter everywhere* motion or the fact that it actually makes me feel better. ew this sounds like a postsecret post. bonds out!

every damn day

an authorized PartyLite consultant, this sassy lady gave up a job as a stenographer for an independent sales career. while she could play gin rummy "every night of the week" she also enjoys the theatre. Her latest project is a full-marionette production of RENT, which she hopes will be ready to perform by autumn of 2009. she collects 'Designing Women' paraphernalia, loves parades and shopping at Sears. she often livens up parties by demonstrating the juggling skills that led her to two county championships!

babies walk like zombies

i just saw something hobbling toward me out of the corner of my eye and i got startled for a second until i realized it's only my 1 year-old child coming to not eat my brain. watch a toddler when they're learning to walk and you will see what i am talking about.

the zombie 'invasion' is not so much different from pre-zombie life in America. i always imagined needing a shotgun, a Jack Bauer and an invisibility cloak. (none of which i own.) in fact, i'm very confortable with the whole zombie thing. this is because my boyfriend is a zombie. i think our relationship has some serious potential though. by 'potential," i mean wearing my custom zombie-proof attire while he struggles to claw at my flesh. last week he barely tried to gouge out my eyes when i brought him lunch. between the "grrrgles" and the "aarrrrrgaaaaaaggggs" i sometimes hear his human voice.

there is new literature floating about which details the co-existence of zombies and humans. there are rumors of a technology that can somehow change the DNA in those who are infected to kind of remove humans from the menu, which would be great for us. its all still very taboo but i embrace the ideals completely. I just hope it happens soon because he seems to grow stronger every day and I can't keep him locked up like this much longer...

static

can't get it off me
my energy is static
try a dryer sheet.

youre unaware that
your kolache smells like shit.
i could strangle you.

suspended in a
beam of light the earth is where
we will make our stand

and our naivety
in all this vastness there is
nowhere else at least